When it comes to the dissolution of marriage, the subject is most often discussed from the standpoint of how it affects the women involved. In fact, there has been very little discussion of the effects marital breakdown can have on the husbands. There are, of course, a number of very good reasons that help to explain why there has, until recently, been almost no public examination of the male perspective on divorce.
The sad fact is that men often fail to talk about their feelings about breakups, due to a combination of learned behaviors and society-imposed expectations. Few men spend a lot of time talking about their feelings with their friends, so they often end up internalizing their anguish. This has led to a somewhat common belief that marriage breakups have less of an impact on the men involved. That's simply not the case.
Simply put, men often feel like complete failures after a divorce. And for the average male, that kind of failure can destroy his self-image. After all, most men feel as though who they are is defined by their success or failure in various aspects of life. When their marriages break down, they are suddenly confronted with the worst failure of them all: the failure to make a that union work.
As the marriage completely disintegrates, men can lose an identity that often centers around their chief role as the husband in a happy union. That role often provides the central focus of many men's identities, even when they have great careers or other interests. The loss of that marital role can send men scrambling to discover exactly what their identity is without the easy definition provided by marriage.
The father-child relationship can make that loss of identity even more pronounced. Mothers often end up with the lion's share of time spent with the kids, which can make it difficult for fathers to maintain their attachments with the children. That often leads to feelings of grief over the loss of paternal familiarity, and a growing level of anger.
Where grief is concerned, men often keep it inside. Unlike women, who usually have better skills at sharing feelings with their closest friends and family members, most men have been raised to believe that they'll seem weak if they let those emotions out. This causes them to hold feelings in, or use alcohol or dangerous behaviors to suppress those feelings they lack the capacity to properly manage.
All of these factors can cause many men to suffer various levels of depression. That can, in turn, lead to men isolating themselves from loved ones and friends. It can even result in physical ailments like high blood pressure, tension headaches, and other medical issues. Without an outlet for their emotional trauma, men are often left to struggle alone.
The old myths about men not being negatively affected by marriage breakups are just that: myths. Until society begins to recognize the deep impact that divorces can have on the men involved, divorced husbands will never obtain the understanding and attention they need to successfully recover from the trauma of a failed marriage.
The sad fact is that men often fail to talk about their feelings about breakups, due to a combination of learned behaviors and society-imposed expectations. Few men spend a lot of time talking about their feelings with their friends, so they often end up internalizing their anguish. This has led to a somewhat common belief that marriage breakups have less of an impact on the men involved. That's simply not the case.
Simply put, men often feel like complete failures after a divorce. And for the average male, that kind of failure can destroy his self-image. After all, most men feel as though who they are is defined by their success or failure in various aspects of life. When their marriages break down, they are suddenly confronted with the worst failure of them all: the failure to make a that union work.
As the marriage completely disintegrates, men can lose an identity that often centers around their chief role as the husband in a happy union. That role often provides the central focus of many men's identities, even when they have great careers or other interests. The loss of that marital role can send men scrambling to discover exactly what their identity is without the easy definition provided by marriage.
The father-child relationship can make that loss of identity even more pronounced. Mothers often end up with the lion's share of time spent with the kids, which can make it difficult for fathers to maintain their attachments with the children. That often leads to feelings of grief over the loss of paternal familiarity, and a growing level of anger.
Where grief is concerned, men often keep it inside. Unlike women, who usually have better skills at sharing feelings with their closest friends and family members, most men have been raised to believe that they'll seem weak if they let those emotions out. This causes them to hold feelings in, or use alcohol or dangerous behaviors to suppress those feelings they lack the capacity to properly manage.
All of these factors can cause many men to suffer various levels of depression. That can, in turn, lead to men isolating themselves from loved ones and friends. It can even result in physical ailments like high blood pressure, tension headaches, and other medical issues. Without an outlet for their emotional trauma, men are often left to struggle alone.
The old myths about men not being negatively affected by marriage breakups are just that: myths. Until society begins to recognize the deep impact that divorces can have on the men involved, divorced husbands will never obtain the understanding and attention they need to successfully recover from the trauma of a failed marriage.
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